My One and Only Friend
by tinylexie
Summary: Darken Rahl thinks about the kitten that he killed in "Fever."


At first you were nothing more

Than another way for me to deceive my baby sister

Into thinking that I was the better brother.

Jennsen already believed the half-truths and the half-lies

That I told her about the Seeker.

I could tell that

Because Jennsen could not hide her feelings from me.

Out of all my siblings, I'm the only unreadable one.

Richard and Jennsen, on the other hand, are both open books.

Still, I needed to be sure that Jennsen was on my side,

So I gave you as a gift to her.

I was joyous even before I saw her reaction to you.

I don't understand why this was the case,

But I enjoyed holding you.

I was delighted when I heard you purring.

You purred in my arms, the arms of evil.

You did not care that I was evil.

You loved me, truly loved me.

I've never had anyone truly love me before.

Jennsen loved me for a time,

But it was only because she thought

That I was the good brother.

As soon as learned otherwise,

She betrayed me,

Just like my father betrayed me

When he created the Seeker,

The one who prophecy said

Would one day kill me.

Jennsen also betrayed me to the Seeker.

Because of Jennsen, Richard now has

All three Boxes of Orden.

He is now coming for me.

I can feel it in my bones.

You, on the other hand,

Could care less that I'm not really good.

As long as someone pets you and feeds you,

You're that person's best friend.

Why is it that animals are less judgmental than humans?

Before I discovered Jennsen's betrayal,

I felt a happiness

That I never thought I would ever feel.

That happiness had not been

About the Boxes of Orden.

That happiness had not been

About power and control.

That happiness had not even been

About finally defeating the Seeker,

Who my father always placed above me.

That happiness I felt was because of you.

I am not known for my gentleness,

But I was compelled to be gentle with you.

When I gave you to Jennsen, she kissed me.

She actually kissed me,

And it was a kiss of love.

I've never experienced a kiss of love before,

And I received that kiss because of you,

Because you were my gift to my baby sister.

Jennsen loved me even more than she did already

Because of you.

I've never felt such love before,

And it was all because of you.

How could I not love you in return?

You never judged me.

You were as happy in my arms

As you were in Jennsen's arms.

Why is it that animals are less judgmental than humans?

When I sat on Jennsen's bed, cuddling with you,

I felt like a boy again,

A boy filled with innocence,

A boy untouched by evil and by darkness.

As I listened to the sounds of your purring,

I was reminded of my days of light

That I have long since forgotten.

I have lived in darkness for so long,

But with you,

I was temporarily able

To leave the shadows behind.

For too long I have presented the façade

Of an evil tyrant who inspired fear and hatred,

An evil tyrant not above cruelty and torture.

That façade is not completely false,

But it's not completely true either.

Behind the harsh, wicked mask that I wear,

There is a little boy that years not for power

But only for love and acceptance.

You gave me both of those things.

I could not have been happier.

Then, I received the news

That Jennsen had sided with the Seeker again.

I knew that the Seeker

Would be coming for me soon.

I had to defend myself in any way possible.

I had to take action immediately.

Most of all, though, I was angry,

Angry at Jennsen's betrayal.

I had been gentle and kind to her,

And in return,

She handed all the power to our other brother.

I couldn't think straight.

What a fool I was.I actually thought that Jennsen truly loved me.

What a fool I was.

I wanted to squeeze the life out of Jennsen.

Jennsen, however, was safe

With her precious Seeker brother.

Unfortunately for you, though,

You were not somewhere safe.

You were in the most dangerous place

That any creature can be in.

You were in my arms.

I could no longer hear the sounds of your purring.

I could only hear the news of Jennsen's betrayal.

I had not intended to kill you.

I had actually wanted to keep you

As both mine and Jennsen's pet.

I thought that Jennsen would return to me

With the Boxes of Orden.

I thought that everything would go according to my plan.

I knew that Jennsen loved you,

And I would have loved nothing more

Than to give you to her as a reward

For her loyalty to me.

Instead of loyalty, however,

I received betrayal from her.

Jennsen reminded me that I had a heart,

And then she wounded it.

I waned to give her a worse wound,

But I couldn't.

I imagined myself squeezing the life out of her,

But in reality, I was snapping your neck.

I had not wanted to do that.

If I had not allowed Jennsen into my heart,

I would have never been as angry as I was;

And I would have never murdered

My one and only friend,

The one and only creature

To truly love me,

Despite all my faults and flaws,

Despite the fact that I am evil.


End file.
